(Catch up time. I've been writing this, one sentence at a time, since July 22nd. I'm so far behind, I may never catch up. --Ed.) Ah, the Progressive New South. I am in Augusta, Georgia, at the Jewish Community Center for a Baptist wedding reception. We have just passed the "Electric Slide" portion of the night, and progressed onto the "La Vida Loca" section. I am of the personal belief that Ricky Martin may be personally resposible for lowering the marriage rate this year; after all, I know I wouldn't want this played at MY reception. Sorry, Sandy, but I'm gonna ride this Ricky Martin thing out. Nonetheless, Jason Jacobs and his beautiful bride Jewelia braved the La Vida reprise and tied the knot today. I foolishly expected the trip from Charlotte to Augusta to take four hours, I allowed myself plenty of driving time, and much to my surprise, I arrived at the church in exactly two. Rather than sit in my rental for the next two hours, I wandered into the church. A lady inside wanted to know if I was the sound technician, and for once I happily answered, "no." I made myself comfortable and waited for the crowd to show up. The ceremony was very nice; there was lots of music. Granted, every wedding I've seen has some organ playing or whatnot, but this is the first one I've seen that featured singing, and lots of it. This was also the first time I've ever seen a minister openly admit that human love is basically fickle by nature. The bigger message was, of course, "put your love in God instead," but the initial statement was still not standare fare for a wedding speech, in my experience. At the reception, the Father of the Bride introduced the newlyweds, and for a brief second, completely blanked on Jason's name. The pause was long enough to be funny, and short enough to not be sad; I'll chalk it up to stage fright. Queens students, past and present, filled the reception hall. It was very strange seeing the people that I haven't since my junior year. I was back in Orange County within hours of the ceremony. This whirlwind tour of the South filled me with a deep nostalgia and ...hey...maybe even a sense of regret. At the same time, I was busy encouraging other people to drop their lives and move to cities across the world. Go figure. I still honestly think the concept of throw-your-shit-in-a-bag-and-cross- the-globe is a good idea...it's just not so black and white. You have all been warned. Jason and Jewelia's honeymoon is now over, and they've settled down to the tedious business of mailing out hundreds of thank-you cards. I got mine in the mail the other day, thanking me for the wok I got them as a wedding gift. It was listed in their wedding registry at Sears, and I couldn't resist; it seemed like a ingeniously acceptable tacky gift, functionality notwithstanding. In a few weeks, I'm going to another wedding, this time in Los Angeles. I guess I'm a nuptual roadie this season. How trendy. --ryan.