Where would I be without sampled noise?
written 2000-03-25 16:31:37

I think Dr. Dre might be the most masterbational rapper of all time.

I don't mean to single the poor guy out; after all, rap in general is just
one big declaration of ego after another. Now, I know what your thinking.
I'm not taking into account that it isn't easy to be dropping phat lyrics
like they was C-notes while all them Gs be biting the goodfellas' style,
yo. Nonetheless, the frequency of self-inflating statements in Dre's
tracks far surpasses your average M.C. battle in the ego department.

I mean, not only has he got the line, "I started this gansta s**t, and
this is the motherf***ing thanks I get?", which seems rediculous enough,
but he also got at least two other songs on the radio right now that
feature other rappers explaining how people need to show Dre more respect
because he's just so wonderful.

Now being a stupid white boy, I just can't grasp the concept of a musician
with a bigger ego than Axel Rose. But it must be possible, since Eminem,
who is both more stupid and more white than I, performs on two of those
three songs. I guess pimping ain't easy after all.

So that's what I've learned, since I never changed the station on my car's
radio after my trip across the country. Apparently, Power 106 "plays all
the phatest hip-hop joints", which apparently consists of three of Dr.
Dre's lyrical circle-jerks, but the real reason I haven't changed the
channel yet is because of the commercials.

Anyone who thinks the Afro-American culture has really advanced past the
absurd minstrel stereotype should stop looking at the Huck Finn past and
examine the Next Friday present. EVERY commercial on this station is like
another episode of Fat Albert's neighborhood. It's pure, unadulterated
Blacksploitation. Everything from the Fat Burger ads to the public service
annoucements: it's the stuff you'd otherwise find on TV between a Hogan's
Heroes rerun and The Price is Right. Y'know, the ads that run around the
time when unemployed people are likely to be on their second beer of the
morning. To me, it suggests that the obvious target market, black people,
are considered by their primary source of radio entertainment to be not
only poor and stupid, but unable to aspire to anything else. And that
basically sucks when you think about it. That's not just because a race is
being spoon-fed a negative self image. If the fact that the spoon-feeding
continues is evidence of anything, the real problem is that the audience
believes that this is all they are capable of achieving.

That being said, this is some of the funniest radio I've ever heard.
Everything from DJ Quik (remember him from "Bitch Betta Have my Money"?)
to the "Thong Song" (you've got to hear it to understand) cracks me up.

In the meantime, I need to invest in my own ethnicity; Wuthering Heights
is demanding my attention. G'night, folks.


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